The Abridged version:
- A large body of research finds belonging, agency and meaning as key factors in a joyful life.
- The joy audit provides a research-informed framework to help us assess the joy in our own lives.
- The results of the joy audit offer a roadmap to fill existing gaps and build a more joyful life.
Andru Defeye served as Sacramento’s poet laureate from 2020-2024 and is the driving force behind Sacramento Poetry Week. In this regular feature, “The Great Joy Hunt,” he explores the science behind joy and shares strategies for adding more to our lives.
So I’m sitting with a friend over margaritas and I mentioned that I recently released my first research-informed framework into the world, exploring the roles belonging, agency and meaning play in living more joyfully. I excitedly get into how they can be used as a tool to find where joy might be leaking in your life.
I could see her wheels start turning. As the night and the margarita progressed we started applying this equation across relationships, work, social life, etc.
This isn’t the first conversation that belonging, agency and meaning commandeered in the weeks since the last article. So I invited Katie Houston, a Sacramento-based licensed marriage and family therapist and board certified behavior analyst, to come and kick the tires of my framework and help me develop a joy audit that anyone could use in their everyday lives.
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I sent her the last article before the interview and she agreed that the three-pillar joy framework tracks. As we sit down, this time over kava and kombucha, I explain to her that my goal is to create a diagnostic tool, but I openly trip over how the word “diagnostic” feels in my mouth.
I’m a writer, not a clinician.
“Assessment, not diagnosis,” she offers. “Make it approachable so people actually use it.”
The other reframe she expertly offers is the importance of self-inventory. “It is valuable for people to look at their life not as ‘what’s wrong with me?’ but ‘what can I do and what do I have?’” she explains.
Four areas of your life to measure
It is often easier to feel our unhappy or unfulfilled feelings than to actually pinpoint where those feelings are emanating from. For the purpose of the joy audit we’re going to break our lives down into four areas: Close relationships, work and contribution, social and community life, home and daily life. These aren’t meant to encompass every corner of a human life, just to give us four broad places to start looking.
Score belonging, agency, and meaning on a scale of 1-5 across those four categories for a deeper understanding of your own internal joy metrics. Where are your lowest numbers? Just as importantly, where are your highest?
“This isn’t just about what’s missing,” Houston explains, “it’s also about highlighting what’s there.”
The Joy Audit
For each area of your life, score belonging, agency and meaning from 1–5.
1-2 is low, 4-5 is high, 3 is somewhere in the middle.
BELONGING
How authentic do you feel you can be here?
AGENCY
How much choice and influence over your own life do you have here?
MEANING
How alive does this part of your life make you feel?
1 = Very little
2 = A little
3 = Somewhat
4 = A lot
5 = Very much
| Belonging | Agency | Meaning | |
| Close Relationships | __ | __ | __ |
| Work & Contribution | __ | __ | __ |
| Social & Community Life | __ | __ | __ |
| Home & Daily Life | __ | __ | __ |
The results
Once you have your 12 numbers, circle your highest and lowest scores and look for the patterns. Read across to see how belonging, agency and meaning are showing up in each area of your life. Read down to see if one of the three is consistently higher or lower across your life.
The numbers beside each other can tell a story, too. Remember, these aren’t diagnoses, just personal insights worth getting curious about.
High Belonging + High Agency + High Meaning
All systems firing and you are thriving. What’s working and what behaviors have supported you to get here? How do you continue to maintain and build those supports?
High Belonging + High Agency + Low Meaning
It’s still missing something. You feel connected and empowered, but what is it all for? Where do you feel most alive in your life?
High Belonging + Low Agency + High Meaning
You’re happy, but might need to speak up a bit more. You feel rooted and held, but where can you practice more control over your own life?
Low Belonging + High Agency + High Meaning
When the purpose aligns but the people don’t. You believe in what you’re doing and you’ve got freedom to do it, but don’t always feel like part of a team. Who makes you feel most safe and understood and how much time are you spending with them?
High Belonging + Low Agency + Low Meaning
Part of the team, but low motivation. You may feel deeply connected to the relationships but lack both choice and sense of purpose. Are you speaking up for yourself and your needs? What parts of your life are you most passionate about and how much time are you spending there?
Low Belonging + High Agency + Low Meaning
Empowered but ungrounded. You are steering your vehicle, but are not excited by the current track. Who and what makes you feel most excited about your life?
Low Belonging + Low Agency + High Meaning
Passionate, but unsupported. If wanting it was enough, you’d have it all, but you need support to get there. Who else shares your passion? Where can you exercise choice, no matter how small, in your current situation?
Low Belonging + Low Agency + Low Meaning
Gas tank on empty. Where do you feel the most safety, power, and purpose in your life? Get intentional about spending more time there and watch what happens.
Your body is the laboratory. You are the expert. Conduct your own experiments.
If belonging is low, start by taking stock of which places and relationships in your life require performance and which allow authenticity. Consider spending time with people you don’t need to edit yourself around. Reconnect with someone you’ve been missing. Find others who are organizing around a shared, common interest. Stay consistent about showing up places. When belonging feels low, head to where the most authentic version of yourself is celebrated.
If agency is low, map the decisions you can make. Speak up and ask for more say in things that affect you. Set a boundary. Change an element of your routine. Give yourself choices where circumstances don’t give you control. “Agency doesn’t always mean control,” Houston explains. She offers the example of a parent whose child doesn’t get to choose whether they brush their teeth, but does get to choose whether the bedtime story comes before or after. When agency feels low, the question may not be “How do I take control of this?” but “Where is there still a choice available to me?”
If meaning is low, don’t start by asking what your purpose is. That’s too big a question. Spend some time reflecting on your values. Identify what matters most to you. How much of your time are you actually spending there? Create something, no matter how big or small. Do something to help someone else. Remember, it doesn’t have to change the world to have meaning. “When our lives feel like they lack meaning, it can help to identify our values and try to move toward them,” Houston explains. When meaning feels low, ask what matters to you and how you can spend more time there.
The great joy hint
It is easy to look at belonging, agency and meaning as giant concepts that govern our lives and be intimidated trying to affect them, but in reality, we interact with all three every day, often through smaller choices than we realize.
When you take the joy audit, don’t just pay attention to the low numbers, pay attention to the high ones too. They might be showing you where you’ve already built something worth protecting.
You find the answers by asking the questions.
